o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
