the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
