and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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