Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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