cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
