mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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