It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
