I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
