just come out here and I will go home with you...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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