his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
