i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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