don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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