Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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