So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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