well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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