if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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