woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
