Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
