Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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