dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
