we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
