My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
