pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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