The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
