Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
