Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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