Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
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