dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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