New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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