so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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