If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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