don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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