I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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