I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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