Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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