She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
how drunk are you?
Several
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
