areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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