It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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