I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
