nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
