You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
