Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My ass is underappreciated
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
