Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
God I need to hump something, right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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