i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
