Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
