I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
