Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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