How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was like eating out sand paper
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
