god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
