i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
