$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
